Enjoy your world
Jokes
Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands [...]
The Guide To Women
A MAN’S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. Without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven’t had a fight in a while.
NO, PIZZA’S FINE. You cheap slob!
I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO [...]
I’m Not Crippled?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.” Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the [...]
Man Walks Into A Supermarket
photo © 2009 See-ming Lee | more info (via: Wylio)
Man walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap, 1 toothbrush, 1 tube toothpaste, 1 loaf of bread, 1 pint of milk, 1 single serving cereal, 1 single serving frozen dinner.
The girl at the checkout looks at him and says, “Single are you?”
The [...]
Travel to Heaven
photo © 2005 marya | more info (via: Wylio)
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to [...]
A Women’s Secret
photo © 2009 Jim.landover3 | more info (via: Wylio)At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.
“No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest.”I have kept my age a secret [...]
Starch in Your Pants
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.
“You’ll never get that worm back in his hole,” said the old man.
Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch. After a few sprays, the [...]
What’s the Speed Limit?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”
Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!”
Sister: “Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me [...]
Would You Remarry
photo © 2007 firemedic58 | more info (via: Wylio)
Husband: Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?
Wife: Well, I suppose so.
Husband: Would you and he sleep in the same bed?
Wife: I guess we would.
Husband: Would you make love to him?
Wife: He would be my husband then, dear.
Husband: Would you [...]
Barber Knows Best
photo © 2008 Sally Mahoney | more info (via: Wylio)A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.
So, how are you getting there? [...]